34

I turned 34 back in April.


Had you asked me in high school I think I had a bit of the sheltered American dream at the forefront of my head. I would be happily married (which I am), with 2 kids, both my husband and I working an 8:00 to 5:00 job with our weekends free, and a white picket fence around our house.

The reality is I was clueless to the world around me.
Unaware of the realities that some people live within.

34 brings me to a world I never imagined.

In any given week I am responsible to keep 100 finger and toe nails trimmed (plus my own 20).
I change more diapers than I ever imagined, 3 kids in diapers full time and 1 while while she sleeps.
5 kids call me various forms of the name "mom." Our county calls me weekly asking if there is any way we could take any more.

3 of those kids grew in another woman's womb.
2 transformed my body in ways I never imagined. My body is not what I fathomed, growing humans is an experience like I never imagined.
We drive a 12 passenger van, which is both the most obnoxious and marvelous thing ever.
My high school dreams never even began to fathom my life now.

My dream of an 8:00-5:00 job is everything but that. God has an ironic sense of humor in calling me a pastor. The call to Pastor takes me places I never imagined. I stand on the edge of heaven while people take their last breath, I am amongst the first people call when a new baby is born. In the middle of tragedy and moments of great hope I am called to walk alongside people, to remind them of the deep truths that God promises to us all. In general I have more questions than I do answers. This year along I have walked the sacred halls of our high school as our youth have been forced to wrestle with five suicide deaths, two students, and three parents. It is sacred ground. My summers are spent gallivanting from mission trips to summer camp to vacation bible serve for work.

I continue to love to travel and traveling and with my family is even better. We have a dear set of friends the Carmacks, who used to live near us, who have become our constant travel companions. We've just returned from Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. If your interested in our travel adventures follow along on instagram on thevillagetravels. If given the option I'd be at Walt Disney World monthly. Aside from WDW, I enjoy traveling to our National Parks, and pretty much anywhere we can go. Traveling with tiny humans is a whole new ball of wax, I remember back the summer I spent in Europe with just a backpack. Now packing is a small science and ensuring we have the right blankets, sleeping buddies, and pacifiers is vital, not to forget the snacks, the right clothes, the movies for the van, the extra clothes just in case, the sound machines, the diapers, wipes, the list goes on and on.

If I manage to have time where I am not: folding the never ending mountain of laundry, cleaning the house, paying bills, packing bags for the next day, cooking, or doing other obnoxious adult type things I like to fill my time: crocheting, taking pictures, shutterflying, watching movies, hiking, reading, pintresting, baking, or talking on the phone (my friends all live way too far away) and miscellaneous projects around the house. This space, I miss it, I think I am going to attempt to come back here from time to time, we will see how often that happens, but I am going to make an effort to come here and write.

My life calls me all sorts of things: wife, daughter, sister, mother, foster mother, pastor, crocheter, Minnesotan (despite my desire to be a South Dakotan), and neighbor to name a few. This is my 34.

8213

Oh 8213 you have been good to us, but now we must part ways.
If I could I figure out how to rearrange your rooms slightly I would.
And I would stay forever, or at least longer.
I love your giant yard and the way you back up to the state park.
I love the memories my family has created with you.
You will always hold a special place in my heart.


You were the first house we owned as a couple.
You were the first house Lucy called home.
You were the first house Blake called home.
You became a place of safety and stability for our foster kids.

On the first day we bought you we learned we were not only new homeowners but also about to be parents.
Inside of you we prayed and hoped for the tiny one growing inside.
We brought home our sweet and tiny baby Lucy to you.
You watched us as we rocked late into the night in her early days, you watched as we went from a couple to a family of three, a family of four, a family of five, and eventually a family of seven with all of its joys and and sorrows.
You watched as we learned to become parents in a multitude of ways.
Inside of you sweet Lucy learned how to roll, crawl, walk, run, and developed into her own.
Inside of you Lucy hit many milestones.

Three years in we brought home our first son, Blake.
On your floors he grew and grew. He learned to roll, crawl, and tackle Lucy while you stood by.
He said his first words, cried tears of frustration, and began to become who he is.

Over the course of the years we welcomed many foster kids.
You were a home for respite and for placement.
In your walls they found shelter, warmth, and love.
Around our table they ate and filled their bellies and the fridge was always full.
At night we walked laps around you in hopes of sleep for the young and confused child in our midst.

We raised many a good chicken outside of you.
Your grass kept them fed and nourished during the spring, summer, and fall.
Your soil grew many good vegetables that filled our stomachs.

In the kitchen we created many meals some ornate and many pb&j sandwiches.
At the table we broke bread with family and friends, we caught up on life and forgot about the world around us.
We made cookies and desserts, we made meals to share and meals for ourselves - we ate our fill.
We played game after game as our competitive natures took hold.
We payed bills and wrote letters.

In the living room we laughed, we cried, we read countless books, we built towers of blocks and sent them crashing down.
I crocheted more hats and things than I care to think about.
Marc napped in the sunshine on the couch with Lucy and Dakota by his side.
Lucy, tested the living room to it's limits, I am sure there are still ground cheerios somewhere deep in the carpets, there is milk spilled here and there, and there are spots on the walls where toys went banging.
Blake, loved to run from the living room, around the kitchen island and down the hall. The stairwell was perfect for launching items down.
Dakota, napped everywhere, and I am certain for years to come golden retriever fluff will be coming out of the carpets, the vents, and the woodwork.
We celebrated countless holidays, birthdays, and every days in your midst.

In the basement the washer and dryer ran without stop {or so it felt some days}.
You taught us the valuable lessons of teamwork as we figured out how to finish you off, you taught us about the challenges of learning new skills and what it takes to make such a big project happen.
You taught us about the value of youtube instructions and asking for help when we were in over our heads.
We ran hundreds of miles and biked countless hours and watched copious amounts of tv/movies/netflix.
We hosted guests in the two bedrooms down below and one became home to a sweet baby girl.
In a closet space converted to craft room, I was free to create, free to make, free to design, to forget about the world around me.

From your backyard, we made countless trips to the Paul Bunyan trail and the Crow Wing State Park. We watched far too many gophers dig big holes.
We grilled meals while watching the sunset in the distance as we talked about our hopes and dreams.
We watched the deer hide from the hunters in the park and wondered what other things roamed through you in the night.

We celebrated holidays and birthdays. We celebrated milestones both big and small. We welcomed friends, strangers, neighbors, and children to your presence. We spent time both outside and in. You are indeed good and our time together was blessed. Forever will we be thankful for you.


You were great to us. You are a place of rest and safety. Thank you for all that you are and were for us.

If your walls, floors, and ceilings could talk - I pray it would tell the next owner of the good times, the tough times, and the everyday time. I pray it would remember not only the big moments but also the little ones that made up our every day. I pray this house radiates warmth, joy, and love.

I pray for the new owners and for our home.
May you:
      have as much joy within this home as we did
      love one another & welcome guests
      become their home not merely a house
      treasure on this home as much as we did
      be a place of warmth, love, and fellowship
      continue to be place of rest and safety

Beloved 8213, you will always hold a special place in our hearts, I grieve leaving you on many levels, but I trust this is the right move for us. We need more bedrooms together. Never in our wildest imagination did we envision 5 small children living within your walls. Thank you, for the memories, thank you for all you were for us. Thank you for being home.

Labor Day 2017

We began early like 12:15am - one child is up pulling on her ears.
      Ear infection strikes at the wee hours.
      The great debate - do we take her into the ER or
                 do we try to hold out until urgent care opens at 8:00am?
                  We give her tylenol and decide to hold out.
                   The night passes slowly.

5:30 am all but one kiddo is up and ready to go for the day
One child in attempts at being helpful and passing out milk to the others manages to launch a new 32 ounce container of yogurt out of the fridge shattering it and sending it splattering everywhere.

Somewhere in here, I wish it was an option to head back to bed - to curl back up and start over again. While friends are posting pictures of ideal days filled with time at the beach, long hikes, and miscellaneous type family bonding experiences, Marc and I are merely putting this one on the calendar as: WE SURVIVED.

Other highlights from the day include:

• a nap rebellion resulting in a MASSIVELY cranky kid who desperately needed a nap and is trying to navigate the waters of learning she has some independence and freedom as she grows older
• a baby who didn't want to nap in his bed - but was exhausted
• children who decided that, despite the fact that they loved cantaloupe yesterday today they would fight it - refuse to try it - to even bring it near their lips as if it were some type of kryptonite that would take away all of their powers instantly
• we don't force our kids to eat, if they are hungry they will eat what is on the plate before them, if not it goes back in the fridge until they decide they are hungry, they do not have to eat everything that is served, but they must take a bite and at least try everything once
• contrary to popular belief by the tiny humans: fruit snacks, graham crackers, and m&ms are not a well rounded meal and one does not get to have that for one's entire source of nutrition
• folks in the grocery store who felt the need to make snarky comments about the number of children we had in tow
• let's all just agree to go back to the good ol' days where "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" 
• must have been a full moon, because it was almost as if the children had come into collaboration together and decided one at a time they would test our limits and push any known buttons that we have
• a child who learned that he can now throw is his food and Dakota (our beloved golden retriever) will not only love you more but come back time and time again to get more and her tail will wag uncontrollably in love and adoration which you will find HILARIOUS
• a child who has learned to pull herself up on things but has not yet figured out how to get back down and as a result when wanting to get back down a blood curdling scream will ensue as if one is losing a limb
• Rain. Lots of rain in the afternoon/early evening
• while usually we just let the kids go play in the rain, it was a COLD rain and I don't want to risk getting everyone sick and worn down this early in the year
• a storm knocking down the front pillar on our house
• thank God for a handy husband who quickly cleaned up the bats 
• the Chinese restaurant which needed to run SUPER SLOW on our pick up order and the children were going NUTS in the van waiting

At the end of the day: our kids were fed, bathed, and snuggled & read to sleep as we prayed they were fall asleep and stay asleep for the night. Marc and I counted it as victory as we split a Hershey's cookies and cream bar as we tried to defeat the mountain of laundry and dishes and prep for this week.

Why do I share this? Because some day when my kids are older and sleep through the night, I want to look back and laugh - I want to remember the days of small children, the good ones, the tough ones, and the ones that seemed straight up ridiculous (that was yesterday for us). I share because I want there to be someone bearing witness on the internet to the less than picturesque life of parenthood. I share, because there are days like this. While some are picture perfect or at least have picture perfect days, labor day 2017 was not one of those for us. There were moments, when the kids played great, when we were snuggled on the couch reading books, but those moments are found in the shadows of the other side of parenting.

How was your labor day?

Dear Birth Mom #2

Hello-
   We've never actually officially met, I have seen your picture in the jail roster, you are a beautiful young woman. I have heard some about you and I am guessing you know a little about my husband and I. This introduction is far from ideal. You are on my heart and mind often. The world is your oyster - you have (hopefully) many full years ahead of you. At your age, I was worried about my college exams, papers, and the next basketball game I would play. I can't imagine having a couple of kids at your age, the pressure, the social norms, the expectations that have been placed upon you, not to mention being forced to grow up quickly. When your oldest was born, you should have been worrying about graduating high school and your plans after high school not bringing a baby into the world. Our world's were different and perhaps we would have never met and yet, as fate/time/and unforeseen circumstances our worlds have crossed paths.
   I have your daughters living in our house. They are sweet and adventurous, they are learning and growing, they are adaptive and strong. They have your features, they bear some resemblance to you. They too are beautiful and they need you! I am sure I don't rock the baby with the same sway as you and I don't read books with the same voices as you, did you know your eldest LOVES to read books, all the books, every book, repeatedly. I know you have had a bit of a rocky relationship with them and life has been tough, you've been thrown curve balls I have never had to experience. Your support system is maybe not the best. According to the court documents, you've admitted the struggle to have the right influences. You know what you need to do, you've admitted that. The courts and county have given you a plan.
   Try. Work hard. The road before you is bumpy filled with hills and valleys and it may seem like right now you are walking through mostly valleys, but the hills and mountain tops are coming, and the views and experiences from the top are worth it. I imagine you are worried about your girls, or at least are thinking about them. Don't worry, they are being taken care of and loved on.

 We celebrated your baby's birthday with cake and ice cream as every one year old needs. She devoured it and had cake from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. The other kids laughed as the cake went further and further in her hair, in her ears, up her nose, it was everywhere. A direct trip to the tub is what she earned.  Soon, we will celebrate your oldest's birthday too, yes, there will be cake and ice cream, and she has requested a balloon, so a balloon there will be. I am guessing you will still worry about the girls, try not to, take care of you, make the steps you need to take. Show up to your visits, the girls would love to see you.
   We hold you in our prayers, for health, for wellness, for a network of support to surround you. Until we meet face to face I will continue to take care of your girls, to try to do the best by them and you as I can. For now, I must go, your eldest is potty training and apparently needs to go "wight now." Today is her first full day in "bid gurl unders" and she's pretty excited, she picked out the princess underwear at Target this past weekend, don't worry I packed extra pants and underwear for daycare just in case.
Love,
   Your Girls' foster mom

Dear Birth Mom, Fight the good fight....

Dear Birth Mom-
     I know the road you are on is tough at best. I hear that, I understand that you are facing some giants that I won't even pretend to understand. I cannot even say if given your life I wouldn't be making some of the same choices you are, the cycles of poverty, drugs, and other things are ferocious monsters at best.
     Letters are being sent to your family now, asking if any of them want to take the sweet, adventurous, wildly independent, and curious little boy of yours and mine (for at least the time being). I do not know what that must be like knowing that the courts are moving to remove your parental rights. I trust you want the best for your son as do my husband and I. We are believing the best for him. We trust him to the God who is bigger than any cycle of poverty or system you think you cannot beat.
      PLEASE for the sake of your son, fight the good fight. Go to treatment. Get a job so you can support the two of you. Find stable housing. I realize this is a lot, but no mountain is too big that it cannot be climbed. The time is now to face the summit, make it to the top of the mountain, make steps towards the right direction. Surround yourself with people who love on you, who make wise choices, who aren't going to pull you in the opposite direction. I realize you have shown up to the last couple of visits with your son, and I find that admirable, I do know it must be tough to see that he doesn't recognize you and runs to me when we return to pick him up. I cannot understand what it would be like to have my own children/child not know who I am and come to me for comfort and security. TRUST ME, it isn't too late, he's only fourteen months, hardly past a year, make some moves towards progress and the judge doesn't want to revoke your parental rights.
   The judge may seem harsh, but really has been nothing but grace filled offering you chance and chance again. The judge wants to see you succeed and wants you to have your son back, and I do too. Time, it's not on your side any more, the clock is ticking and ticking fast. Make some changes, your son is amazing and we've fallen in love and always will love him no matter where he lives.
    Our village loves him, our son and daughter adore him and returning him to you will be bitter-sweet and tears will flow. In the mean time, while we all live in a sense of limbo not knowing what the future holds for him, for you, for us, we hope, pray, and enjoy the time we do have with your son. We pray for you daily and unendingly wishing you wellness, wholeness, and the ability to get things together for your sake and your son's sake. We pray for your son, that he will continue to grow and learn and will continue to catch up on his speech. We continue to hand the situation over to God, taking things hour by hour.

Peace & Love,
   Your son's foster mom
   

Grandma Nane's Recipe Box: Banana Bread

In many regards I am a typical millennial. My iPhone is close at hand and I am quick to turn to google or the internet when in need of an answer or help. Pintrest and AllRecipes are my go to for a recipe. A couple nights ago as I was putting something away in my cupboards I looked up and noticed on the top shelf a handful of hometown recipe books and my Grandma's recipe box and it caused me to pause. I quickly abandoned my lengthy to-do list and found myself flipping through my Grandma's old recipes on index cards in her handwriting, my mother's handwriting, and even some I believe is my Great-Grandma's handwriting. There in my cupboards sat a time capsule of sorts. I wanted to explore it, I want it to soak it in, I wanted my Grandma to sit with me and tell me the stories of the various recipes, which ones were good and which ones she served on which occasions. As the box flew open there was even a little smell of my Grandma that come wafting out of the box, and the memories flooded back to me, if only there was a way to preserve that smell.

          In the wake of my Grandma

Nane's battle with Alzheimer's a year ago (and eventual death) we found ourselves moving both my Grandma and my Grandpa into a retirement village, that had independent living for my Grandpa and skilled and memory care for my Grandma. We moved them out of what had been home for them for several decades and transitioned them into new homes. While we were going through the house we were helping my Grandpa downsize to their new apartment and take care of what things remained.  Some where along the line I was given this old recipe box of my Grandma's and I tucked it up high in my cupboards and apparently the back of my mind. She wasn't necessarily know in her latter years for her kitchen skills but rather her ability to consume dessert after dessert and pick a nice place to go out for a meal.
     However, her recipe box has me inspired to take a little journey with her, to explore the recipes she found worthy of keeping and today started my adventure with my newly turn 3 year old assistant. As I flipped through the recipes I knew I had to start easy, I also recognized the mountain of bananas that have been filling up my freezer and my husband has been reminding me to use up or get rid of. I found the banana bread recipe that my Grandma had used at some point. Lucy and I began to bake this morning in a brief moment where the boys were both sleeping.

It was good and I would use it again. I double the batch and got 12 mini loaves, 12 regular muffins, and 48 mini muffins. It was marvelous and I am excited to see what else this little box of recipes holds. Next time I use this recipe would probably replace the oil with apple sauce and decrease the amount of sugar. The bread is definitely approved by the tiny humans in my house as they consumed bite after bite with repeated requests for more.

What is your go-to for recipes?
What is the best thing you've ever been handed down?

Dear Birth Mom

Dear Birth Mom-
    You currently have gone missing. No one is really sure where you are. People are looking for you and we are worried about you. You were suppose to report to treatment earlier this week. There were plans to reward you with a visit with your son and return you back to treatment. I can't imagine what it's like to have missed the last six months of his life. You've missed a lot sure, but he still has SO MUCH MORE LIFE. The reality is - if you got your life back together sooner than later and took the necessary steps when he is older, he probably wouldn't even remember me or our family. He'd only know you. He deserves to know you. I want you to know him. I want him to know you.
   There is a date looming, where you need to have shown some serious signs of progress or they are going to start looking towards your extended family for permanency. The courts aren't going to let you completely shirk your responsibilities with your son. They are going to start looking for a permanent place for him if you don't start making progress. My husband and I are still rooting for you. We are on your side, while it may seem we are the enemy as we have your son, we are here for you. We agree with the courts, your son deserves to have stability in his life.
  Your son is great! We celebrated his first birthday and he smashed his cake everywhere. He earned himself a direct trip to the tub. Our family and friends sang and celebrated as if he was one of ours and loved on him in ways that you would have loved to have seen.
   He's got some new skills, he's figured out how to clap and loves clapping. He's moving and grooving and any day now we expect him to take off running. We've got a slide in our living room and he loves crawling up and going down over and over and over again.
   PLEASE, go see the case manager. We sent a handful and a half of pictures and some hand and foot print art for you. May they be an inspiration for you for what you are missing out on, may you be inspired to do the hard work that is before you. Your son is worth it. You are worth it. I hold you in prayer every.single.day. God is bigger than any of our troubled histories and makes all things beautiful, including you and me. We all have our troubles but God walks with you in the midst of it. I pray you find the help you need so you can be reunited with one of the sweetest little boys I have ever had the chance to love on.
    In the meantime, your son is in good hands. He's happy and healthy. He's thankful it's summer and we spend most days outside. Every night the bathtub has a brown ring from the dirt for being outside. We will continue to love on him and treat him as one of our own. Our village will continue to love on him.
   Love,
      Your Son's foster mom
 

Road Trips

Flying is expensive and with our ever growing family it is only getting worse.
We now are resorting to flying when absolutely necessary - or we find an amazing deal on flights.

Our family has a growing edge in terms of road trips and we are slowly but surely figuring out what makes the most sense and how to make it happen.


Over the next several months we will be travelling to: Wisconsin, eastern South Dakota, Colorado, and western South Dakota.

Our trips will be a combination of full family trips and a couple of times I am going to attempt to make the trips without Marc. I MUCH prefer Marc is along, his sense of direction is exponentially better than mine, he LOVES to drive, and I can easily pass things back to the kiddos while he drives. With all of the kiddos still rear facing it is a little harder to pass things back.

Some things I have learned:

• I pack one of two ways
• On short trips I pack a large utility tote {from 31} for each night. So for our trip to Wisconsin where we will only be gone for two nights I will pack a bag to take into the hotel the first night and a bag to take into the house where we are staying the second night. I also throw in a bag of extra clothes and miscellaneous things just in case - because the tiny humans are unpredictable at best.
• On longer trips I pack a medium utility tote {also from 31} for each person. I will also have a bag of miscellaneous things as well
• Other important things: 
• a pop up laundry basket or laundry bag
• I don't like when our dirty and clean laundry mix and keeping it straight in random bags doesn't work for me - makes it easy when I start the dreaded unpacking - dump the laundry in the washer and start putting way the stuff still in bags
• a soft sided cooler with some food for the journey - saves us money so that we don't have to snag all our food from gas stations and fast food restaurants 
• milk, fruit, drinks, yogurt, cheese sticks, & soda for tired drivers
• a travel potty
• we have the "my carry potty" which I am not even sure if they make any more but it is wonderful - when Lucy {2.5yrs} has to go potty we don't always have miles of warning - it is usually only a couple minutes, so we can pull off and she can pee in the little potty on the side of the road - I wash it out when we get to our destination
• a box of things to keep the kiddos occupied in the van
• books, little people, movies {we try to not let them watch ridiculous amounts, however, sometimes this mama just needs a bit of time without having to entertain the kiddos}, stuffed animals, etch a sketch, color wonder coloring books & markers, dry erase boards 
• I also have our box of toddler busy bags that I created with some friends a few months back
• A small bag of things to do when we get out of the van to stretch
• bubbles - my sweet girl LOOOOOVES bubbles
• a ball to play with if we can't find a good park
• a blanket to sit on so we can eat meals outside and let the kiddos run wild
• a few thank you notes in our car because I like to be able to leave thank you notes when we stay with family
• A bag of stuff for this mama
• a book, my kindle, yarn, crochet hooks, chargers for the tiny human's kindle, phone cords, my camera {I do love my iPhone pics, but sometimes a real camera is nice}

Any road trip tips you'd love to share?

Dear Biological mom, love a foster mom

Dear Biological Mom,

I can't imagine the strength it took to separate from your child. I imagine it's the same strength and determination I see in your son as he is trying to take his first steps.

I wonder the roads you are walking and the steps you are taking. I pray for you. I pray that you have a support network to come alongside you and catch you when you fall, to encourage you when the road seems rough, to hold you up when you don't have the strength to do it on your own. I want you to succeed in reunification with you son. It is a gift to have him with us. We've surrounded him with our own village of people who love him, care for him, and have taken him in. He's in good hands. He's well loved.

I want you to know the ways in which the little guy snuggles in with his blanket and bottle as he closes his eyes at night. I want you to see the joy in his eyes as he chases balls around the house. I want you to know his adventurous spirit. I want you to be able to kiss his bumps and bruises as he explores and discovers the world around him. I want you to know the ways in which he loves food and his fierce shake of the head when he disagrees or is all done eating. I want you to kiss his sticky fingers and face at the end of the meal. I want you to be here for him. I want you to be the one he calls "mama."

For now I stand in your place, he looks to me as "mama." I kiss the sticky fingers, the bumps and bruises, and read books with lots of pictures. We play on the slide and he would let me push him for hours on the swing. My daughter introduces him as a brother.

I pray for you, each and every day. I pray you are able to do what you need to do to be with your son again. I grieve for the things you are missing and the things we see. We are rooting for you.
In the mean time, know we love your son. We are caring for him to the best of our ability and trying to document everything so we can tell you all about it if the chance were to arise.
Enjoy the hand and foot print art we sent you, may it remind you of the sweet little boy who is growing and changing every day.

It will be hard on our family if/when he goes back home to be with you. We will cry big tears, we will continue to pray for him and you each and every day. His story, your story, and our story is forever woven together no matter what the future holds.

Be bold mama and work hard, you've got this. I believe in you.

Love,
  a foster mom caring for your son

We've got worms.... literally

A few weeks back a woman at church gave a presentation about vermiculture. While I was semi-interested in what this woman was sharing, Lucy quickly became OBSESSED and was asking about worms eating our banana peels frequently. She even asked the woman for some worms. She gave us some.

Originally we were going to use regular plastic totes for our worms, but we found a tower on amazon for a great deal and opted for that method instead, so now we have a worm tower in our kitchen near the dog dish.

Every morning and every evening Lucy literally has to check the worms, she goes over and tells them good morning and she tells them good night before bed. She loves to check and see if the food scraps she has left for them has been eaten and where the worms are located. {We have learned to try to remember where we put the food so that we can find the worms easily for the 2 year old's sake}

Lucy loves to watch the worms move around in and through the piles of food scraps, she is fascinated to see the tiny worms and the BIG HUGE WORMS as she says. She watches them and we discuss how the worms are eating our scraps and how they create compost that will help feed our garden and plants.

NEVER in my wildest imagination would Lucy love these worms as much as she does. She named all of the worms "dumbo" after her favorite ride at Disney world. Here is a glimpse into our evening worm routine.

Mom Guilt

These muffins here - are a mere representation of the struggle as a working mom. They were the request of my 2.5 year old daughter, Lucy, in the midst of a five minute phone call as I went from one thing to another. This week I will literally miss bedtime Monday through Thursday. Thank God for my phenomenal husband, who graciously does bedtime when this mama is away.

I love my kids.
I love my husband.
I love my job.

Being a working mom is great most days.
Some weeks it straight up sucks.
This week is the latter.

Thank God Friday is almost here.
I am traditionally "off" on Fridays and the kiddos don't go to our beloved daycare {I give thanks for our daycare lady and her ability to love on my kiddos nightly} and we hang out all day. Sometimes I even pull of getting to be with them on both Friday and Saturday.

Due to my limited time with our kiddos, I try to not clean and do other such projects while they are awake. I want to spend my time reading books, building Lego towers, playing with baby dolls, watching as Blake is learning to roll and gaining his mobility, baking with Lucy, and so much more. Some days I am really good about being intentional. Some days - I just want a little downtime to myself, I want my house to be magically clean, and I want and never ending stream of money and amazing health care benefits so I don't have to worry about working.

Until I find my money tree and free health care - I shall work, out of a love of my job and a love of my family. We need healthcare benefits and we need money to pay the bills.

Disney Bound

WE did it! We booked another Disney vacation.
My mom, Lucy, Blake, and I are all going down end of November to early December.
We are going to spend a few days in the parks and then head out on a four nigh DISNEY CRUISE!!! So. EXCITED.

I have been a little sad lately, after returning home in February from a FABULOUS Disney vacation with some dear friends I literally had no idea when I'd be returning to Disney. It was a bit sad.

This year in the midst of trying to get things prepared for the rest of the year and trying to plan out vacation time, with a limited number of Sundays off I have to carefully plan what I am doing with them. My husband is out of vacation time and I still had a couple of weeks left to use up. I REFUSE to waste vacation time, even if it means sitting at home and crocheting, making photobooks, cooking, and cleaning.

After talking with my mom and my husband, my mom and I decided to go down to Disney during the Christmas season. We are leaving Marc behind as he needs to work.

We are spending four nights at the Polynesian Resort and then taking a four night Very Merry Christmas time cruise in the Bahamas.

I have been on one previous Disney cruise back when I was in high school, so my memory of the trip is a big vague. I am excited for the chance to take a trip with my mom and kiddos.






In the mean time I will be working on:

• outfits for Lucy and Blake
• a couple shirts for mom and I
• pirate costumes
• our fish extenders gifts
• finishing our February WDW trip photobook

Anyone have any upcoming vacations?
What are you excited for?

An Ode to our minivan

Before I had kids I swore up and down that I would NEVER have a minivan.
I didn't want one. END OF THE STORY.
           There are other options, I told myself
            I laughed at people who drove them
            I mocked at the amount of crap people hauled
            I laughed every time I thought of myself driving one
            I swore I would NEVER drive one





I drive a minivan and I must profess my love of it for this season in life.
She hauls all the things that I can't figure out how to exist without.
She is coated in a beautiful layer of goldfish crumbs and some other unidentifiable snack.
On top of the crumbs from snacks there is a layer of toys and other random things.

She has had the honor of bringing home our son from the hospital.
She has picked up several kids from worse situations than I even want to imagine as we welcome kiddos into our home for foster care.

Our minivan is our families primary means of getting around as we all fit easily along with all the gear kids require and the dog. Our minivan is where I find a few brief moments to myself. It isn't totally unusual for me to sit in complete silence from work to daycare or vice versa. Silence is a rarity in my life, my introverted self savors the silence.

In our semi-annual cleaning of the van {I'd love to tell you we clean her weekly, or monthly, but really about every six months we get nervous we will lose a kid in the piles and do a deep clean of the van} it is always amazing what we find: countless daycare art projects, notes from daycare we probably should have read months ago, a stack of after visit summaries from doctors visits, band aids, toys, and things that only God can identify.

I'll be honest on family road trips my husband most often drives - I'll take my turn but I have a terrible sense of direction, so I spend my time sitting in the passenger seat, passing things back to the kiddos, climbing to the back to put pacifiers back in mouths, filling milk cups, returning the cd to favorite songs, crocheting, & sleeping.


I imagine if our van could speak she would speak of:
endless hours of listening to "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse"
the joy and frustration of road trips
countless conversations on the way to and from places
the songs our daughter has sung at the top of her lungs
the joy of the silence when all the kids are asleep
the late night drives to get a kiddo to fall asleep
the things that I have crocheted while riding
the stories we've told
the conversations we've had
the meals we've eaten
the previous cargo we've hauled



Today, and in this season of life, I give thanks for our minivan. I give thanks for the memories we make inside the van, the stories we tell, the miles it carries us, the sleep my kiddos get in it, and the places it takes us. Thank God for the minivan.

In the next few months our van will take us on countless road trips to: Wisconsin, South Dakota, Michigan, and to Colorado. Watch for adventures to come.


Do you like road trips?
Any road trip tricks or tips with small children?
Anyone else love their minivan?

Nap time Diary

I must admit, nap time to me is truly a sacred and holy hour (if I'm lucky) where all of the children simultaneously have their eyes shut and are not making any sound beyond their sweet little snores and heavy breathing. I don't always get simultaneous nap time and when I do I don't take it without gratitude and with a mad hustle. I find myself drawn between napping myself, working on my to-do list which is always longer than I care to admit, and creating something marvelous. In all honesty if I can pull it off, I often try to side do something creative.

My favorite recent project is a quilted table top runner that I found on Pintrest. This is only my second real quilt project, my first was a quilt that I made at a weekend retreat with a few friends, this is my first independent project. At this point I only have my top done for my quilt, but I think it is going relatively well. My major flaw so far is that I misread the pattern and cut more fabric than I actually need, so I am going to end up making a few similar table runners, which is fun to think about sending them off to friends.

I haven't been doing a ton of crocheting, however, I have been working on a blanket for a new little guy in our lives. It is slow going and I am not making a ton of progress, blanket making in the spring/summer is never a motivating project. However, I am determined to get it done, I do have some road time coming up that should aid in the progress of this blanket.

Another project I am starting to work on is I am working to improve my embroidery skills. I have seen some pretty epic projects by friends and I long to be able to embroider better. I am sure more on this will follow.

I also have been working on some hair clips for my daughter, who some how has become magically obsessed with always having some type of hair clip or bow (or bowtique as Lucy would say - thanks to Minnie Mouse). So I have created some felties to put in her hair in hopes of a little variation away from the constant bow. Never in a million years did I think my daughter would be obsessed with bows, hair clips, and headbands.

My final work in progress, which this always seems to be ongoing, is my love for Shutterfly and creating shutterfly books. I am not terribly behind, but I do have some catching up to do and I'd like to get those caught up before I get so far behind I am not motivated to work on them. Slowly but surely I am getting caught up on them.

What are you working on?
What projects bring you life currently?

Balance

My life of a mother of small children, wife, and working full time I am discovering my life is all about maintaining a delicate balance. My to do lists are fierce and long. My desire for a clean and organized house is nearly overwhelming some days. The tiny humans in my house have the ability to come through faster than a tornado and clear every shelf in a split second. It's a constant battle - and the voices inside my head often beat myself up. The floors need scrubbed, the tubs need deep cleaning, don't even get my started on the fans that need dusting. My kids are growing up faster than this mama's heart is ready. I am thankful that they are still small enough to be worn and want to spend time with their mom. Time management is TOUGH for me, and tough to find the balance as to what I should be doing and when. It's tough to know somethings will drop and some things will be done less than perfectly.

I want to be able to do all these things at once:

• clean my house
• to deep clean my house
• snuggle my children
• endlessly without the thought of what I could be doing
• do my laundry
• or a self feeding laundry machine that can just run itself
• fold my laundry
• and get it put away
• read endless books to my children
• I want my kids to know the classics and have the words on the pages take them to far away places
• crochet
• all things - all the time
• workout
• I want my body from earlier years back - while I know I will always be marked by a couple pregnancies & my body has done amazing things but I want my jeans to fit like they used to - I want my clothes to have more space 
• cook 
• delightful food, fresh food, nightly
• build lego towers
• and lego villages
• space out on the couch
• and do abosolutely nothing
• declutter my house
• ugh, this one is desperately needed
• organize 
• EVERYTHING
• read a book for fun
• my reading list is longer than I care to imagine
• write blog posts
• because I want to remember these days - I want to utilize my space to reflect and to mark the days
• make shutterfly books
• because I am addicted - I love preserving memories and love the way Lucy now looks through the pictures
• take pictures with my nice camera
• because the iPhone is only good for so much
• get ahead at work
• so that I don't feel like I am always running so last minute
• spend kidless time with my husband
• because he's really the best
• watch netflix
• so many shows I'd love to lose myself in - and not lose myself in them while I clean the house or fold laundry - I'd like to merely lay in my favorite sweatpants, chill on my favorite chair, snuggled in a blanket, and snuggled with my babe and puppy
• go for bike rides
• soak in the vitamin d and watch the miles go by
• balance our checkbook & pay bills
• because adulting is hard work
• hike the state park
• and every state park - God made this world beautiful and I want to notice the details and explore them with my family
• snuggle my sweet puppy
• my first baby
• take vacations - explore our country and the globe
• eat delightful flavors from everywhere
• meet beautiful people from the different walks of life
• leave our hearts scattered across the globe
• be transformed by the world around us

The list goes on and the balancing act is
a crazy one at best. There are days that I totally rock the balancing act and life seems to be well and then the next day everything can just fall off the deep end and I don't think I can handle another second. I want my house to look pintrest worthy. The reality: it isn't, it won't, and I can't beat myself up over this.

Grace abounds and I am really great at offering it to others. I am quick to be an optimist for my neighbor and even the stranger, however with myself I find myself deep in the law and harsh criticism. I find myself comparing myself to others and to other parents and other working moms who appear at least according to Facebook/Instagram, to have it all together, when really my guess is they battle some of the same things.

I am trying to live in the moment and go with the flow as I can and continue to try to figure out this great balancing act. I am trying to offer myself grace, I am trying to live into my many vocations: wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, citizen, and pastor.

Here's to another day.
Today I choose joy and grace.
Today I am trying to live in the moment.

Best of Intentions

In the best of intentions I seriously thought I could figure out how to be back here often and perhaps even multiple times a week. Time to reshift my thoughts and be real. I like writing here, I like my little corner of the world that very few folks know about. I like this place, I am going to my a new goal of trying to get back here at least once a week, that to me seems much more doable than several times a week.

What's going on with us. Welll.... Here's a snippet:

Lucy is two and a half and SUCH A JOY {most of the time}. I am not going to lie she is a straight up two-nager and she is FIERCE at times. In highlights of her life: she has potty trained herself essentially, she wanted to wear Minnie Mouse underwear and so was motivated and made it happen. She continues to LOVE daycare and love her friends that she has there, she is a riot and is always laughing. The picture of her is hilarious because this was on our way home from parent/child swimming lessons the other night and we had to take her out with just her coat and pants because before we went in when we were getting her changed she wanted to use the bathroom and wanted to get up on the toilet by herself and actually fell backwards in the toilet soaking her shirt. It was hilarious and she was laughing and I was laughing and so she thought it was even funnier to be in her carseat without her shirt on. She's funny! Love it!



Blake is going to out weigh his sister before he's six months old! He is RIDICULOUSLY happy baby 90% of the time, although he does get super crabby when he is hungry. Blake still sleeps in our room which is great so that in the middle of the night we don't actually have to get up in order to go get him. He's currently in three month size clothes and some of those are getting a little snug {It depends on if they are hand me downs and have been shrunk up}. I will be interested to know what he weighs next time we go into the doctor. He has the most lovable rolls everywhere and we kiss them all day long. Lucy likes her brother, but gets bored quickly. She'll hold him for a few moments and then is ready to go run and do something. Since Blake is still not mobile he isn't getting into her stuff yet. The day is coming. Blake is still not eating solid foods. On any given night he will wake up two or three times to eat.  It's hard to imagine a time before him.

Other than hanging out with the kiddos: I continue to work full time, work one night a week teaching swimming lessons {I like the free gym membership}, spend time with my husband, crochet, and now am trying to figure out quilting. We also have been trying to get outside and run as we are able. The weather doesn't always agree with us in terms of getting outside. We have managed a couple runs but are praying for the warm weather. Here's hoping it is around the corning. Truth- besides wanting to get outside and run again I am seriously looking forward to not having to bundle the kiddos up to go outside and then unbundle them to get into the car seats and then rebundle them up to go where ever we are going. Plus really it's time for sandal season and croc season so Lucy can put on her own shoes and I don't have to worry about getting them on her or finding socks.

Dear spring- please arrive soon. Love, this momma.

Baby TWO

Ahhhh- It is hard to believe, we had a SON. Blake Thomas. Born on November 19, 2016 (Due date December 10, 2016) via c-section due to my high blood pressure. I am slowly but surely adjusting to life with two tiny humans in my house. It truly is WONDERFUL. It's amazing that life happened before him. I am adjusting to what it means to have two tiny humans (although one of my tiny humans is quickly turning into a little girl, faster than her momma is ready for it) depend upon me. Blake so far seems to be a pretty chill baby unless his diaper is wet or dirty. Lucy is OVER THE TOP in love with her brother 80% of the time and 20% of the time merely pretends he doesn't exist. It will be interesting to see what she does when he starts to crawl and move and get into her stuff. She'll hold him but for only a few seconds to a minute at a time.




I am living in the sleep deprived

state again and no longer sicker than a dog all of the time (I am not one of those women who lives to be pregnant) - I *think* I am going to attempt to re-enter this space again. While I am not sure many read it - it is good for this momma's heart to have a little corner of the interwebs. We'll see how that turns out and if I can actually find myself back here again. I'd love to be more faithful and regular. We'll see. Fingers crossed I'll be here more than once every few months.

My Ironman

My husband has been training for this past weekend LITERALLY for over a year, he worked his tail off and last weekend, he did it. He finished his first Ironman. {And for the sake of our family hopefully his only for a while - it was draining on us all.} We had a great time in Madison, we had a marvelous hotel located a block and a half from the finish line and we loved doing a little bit of exploring around the city. We went over on Thursday and my parents came over Friday night and we all left Monday. It was great to have my parents there to help with Lucy.  Some non-race highlights in Madison were: the farmer's market around the capitol on Saturday, the endless hours in the hotel pool, the divine food on State Street, and the time spent together.

He did well and I seriously couldn't be
more proud of him. He trained HARD for a year, with some weeks getting up and around 30 hours of training. He was dedicated and rarely missed a workout, even with his major bike crash a month ago, leaving him with a broken wrist he still kept training. He had to wear a wrist brace as a result, however, it didn't slow him down. Marc claimed after seeing the event and being around it and hearing all of the hype I would want to do it. While I have enjoyed a triathlon in the past, I have ZERO desire to ever do an Ironman at this point in my life. Maybe someday down the road when my days aren't filled with diapers, sleepless nights, mountains of laundry, and pure chaos.


The Ironman consists of: 2.4 mile open water swim, 112 miles on the bike, and a 26.2 mile run - the first cannon goes off at 7:00am and you have to cross the finish line by midnight! While it was fun and impressive to watch some of the pros come in early into the evening what was even more impressive was watching those who came in the last two hours and even the last half hour. There was a ton of raw emotion and endurance there that is over the top inspiring. Marc ran with two other guys from our area - these three men have been training together all year and they have worked hard to say the least! We were all very very proud of them all. On Sunday night when we all finally laid our heads to rest, I was exhausted from moving all over the course just watching them and chasing a toddler, I can't imagine how they all were feeling.

Post #2

I am marking it down as pure victory that I have managed to even make it to a second post in two weeks, after a week gone, this is progress folks, I am taking it slowly but surely. Life this week is going okay, we kissed summer goodbye in our own traditional sense, living in lake country there is a constant flow of traffic of folks coming out of the cities to spend their weekends at the lakes. While yes, this grants us many amenities we wouldn't otherwise be able to have it also makes life for locals a little nuts. So on Labor day for dinner you can find many locals filling our favorite restaurants that are now emptied again. Our favorite is a local pizza/mexican place that sits on one of the lakes. We feasted on what is known as Macho Nachos {YUM} - it truly is magical.

Other than that our week has been fairly

uneventful. Luc has been SUPER into helping and so whatever we are doing in the kitchen or wherever, she is not far behind and wants to pull her kitchen stand up to the counter to help stir or whatever job we will give her. It has taken some getting used to having her "help" and I know some day she really will be a big help when it comes to cooking and other projects, now it requires patience and a positive attitude on my part, yes, I can get it done quicker by myself, no she won't learn how to do it, no she won't have the joy of knowing she helped, and yes, I will miss out having her by my side and seeing the pride as she knows she helped to do something. It is worth it - I keep reminding myself. Parenting is tough work, parenting is good work, parenting is endless work, and above all else parenting is indeed holy work.

Now that the weather has cooled off and the bugs are diminishing we are finding ourselves outside quite often: biking, walking, taking wagon rides, walking through the state park, & enjoying the swing set and fire pit again. We are attempting to soak this all in before we find ourselves buried under feet upon feet of snow {I am in fact looking forward to some elements of winter and am praying for at LEAST one massive snow storm that just shuts everything down for a day or two unexpectedly - living up this far north I feel like we should at least get one good snow storm to shut everything down every year}. I also find myself trying to soak up my last few months with only one kid, remembering that soon I will need to learn that balance of two kids, two mouths to feed, two tiny humans to love, I know there will be great joys but it will also be an adjustment for us all. Bring on Fall, bring on all things pumpkin, bring on the warm sweaters and the jeans & hoodies that have been hiding away in the closet, bring on the cooler weather, and all things fall. I am ready. There is at least a dozen Pumpkin Spice Latte's calling my name!

What are you most looking forward to this fall?

A Nearly 1 Year Lapse

It has been almost year and I find myself missing this mostly quiet corner of the interwebs, and I am toying with the idea of coming back... how often, I don't know, but I think I am going to aim small so that I don't easily become overwhelmed and attempt to post at least once a week. Doable? Maybe.

A brief catch up, Lucy turned two this summer. I am not sure how that happened, but apparently time is flying by. Lucy is still on the small side, fierce, full of life, and has caught the love of Disney {which makes my heart sing}. She loves: Little People, books, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, being outside, playing with her puppy, and being with friends and family. While I enjoyed the baby stage {who doesn't love the smell of a sweet baby and the nearly never ending snuggles} I am truly LOVING this stage of independence, even though there are days when it drives me nearly crazy. I love that Luc is developing a personality and has opinions about certain things. It now takes us 12 times as long to do nearly every thing because Luc wants to try and do it herself.
  In the midst of the past year I also discovered {in a bit of a surprise to us} that Baby #2 will be making an appearance {hopefully} in early December 2016 and not sooner. Let the chaos expand. Shortly after Lucy turned 1 we began the process to foster to adopt with our county and have had the opportunity to have a few kids in our home over the course of the last six months for differing time periods, anything from 24 hours to a week at a time. We aren't sure what exactly will happen there, time will tell.

Other than that I still find myself: crocheting, addicted to shutterfly, taking more photos of my daughter and golden retriever than I can even admit, working full time, and enjoying life. Of course there are still the days filled with: laundry, spilled milk, cleaning the house, and other misc. chores. Here's to more faithful updates on the blog and thanks for bearing with me in my absence {if anyone is still around}.

How are you?
What is up with you?