Balance

My life of a mother of small children, wife, and working full time I am discovering my life is all about maintaining a delicate balance. My to do lists are fierce and long. My desire for a clean and organized house is nearly overwhelming some days. The tiny humans in my house have the ability to come through faster than a tornado and clear every shelf in a split second. It's a constant battle - and the voices inside my head often beat myself up. The floors need scrubbed, the tubs need deep cleaning, don't even get my started on the fans that need dusting. My kids are growing up faster than this mama's heart is ready. I am thankful that they are still small enough to be worn and want to spend time with their mom. Time management is TOUGH for me, and tough to find the balance as to what I should be doing and when. It's tough to know somethings will drop and some things will be done less than perfectly.

I want to be able to do all these things at once:

• clean my house
• to deep clean my house
• snuggle my children
• endlessly without the thought of what I could be doing
• do my laundry
• or a self feeding laundry machine that can just run itself
• fold my laundry
• and get it put away
• read endless books to my children
• I want my kids to know the classics and have the words on the pages take them to far away places
• crochet
• all things - all the time
• workout
• I want my body from earlier years back - while I know I will always be marked by a couple pregnancies & my body has done amazing things but I want my jeans to fit like they used to - I want my clothes to have more space 
• cook 
• delightful food, fresh food, nightly
• build lego towers
• and lego villages
• space out on the couch
• and do abosolutely nothing
• declutter my house
• ugh, this one is desperately needed
• organize 
• EVERYTHING
• read a book for fun
• my reading list is longer than I care to imagine
• write blog posts
• because I want to remember these days - I want to utilize my space to reflect and to mark the days
• make shutterfly books
• because I am addicted - I love preserving memories and love the way Lucy now looks through the pictures
• take pictures with my nice camera
• because the iPhone is only good for so much
• get ahead at work
• so that I don't feel like I am always running so last minute
• spend kidless time with my husband
• because he's really the best
• watch netflix
• so many shows I'd love to lose myself in - and not lose myself in them while I clean the house or fold laundry - I'd like to merely lay in my favorite sweatpants, chill on my favorite chair, snuggled in a blanket, and snuggled with my babe and puppy
• go for bike rides
• soak in the vitamin d and watch the miles go by
• balance our checkbook & pay bills
• because adulting is hard work
• hike the state park
• and every state park - God made this world beautiful and I want to notice the details and explore them with my family
• snuggle my sweet puppy
• my first baby
• take vacations - explore our country and the globe
• eat delightful flavors from everywhere
• meet beautiful people from the different walks of life
• leave our hearts scattered across the globe
• be transformed by the world around us

The list goes on and the balancing act is
a crazy one at best. There are days that I totally rock the balancing act and life seems to be well and then the next day everything can just fall off the deep end and I don't think I can handle another second. I want my house to look pintrest worthy. The reality: it isn't, it won't, and I can't beat myself up over this.

Grace abounds and I am really great at offering it to others. I am quick to be an optimist for my neighbor and even the stranger, however with myself I find myself deep in the law and harsh criticism. I find myself comparing myself to others and to other parents and other working moms who appear at least according to Facebook/Instagram, to have it all together, when really my guess is they battle some of the same things.

I am trying to live in the moment and go with the flow as I can and continue to try to figure out this great balancing act. I am trying to offer myself grace, I am trying to live into my many vocations: wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, citizen, and pastor.

Here's to another day.
Today I choose joy and grace.
Today I am trying to live in the moment.