Letter

Dear Cancer-
          You have been particularly nasty this week, while I realize you don't really have a time that you aren't nasty and you are over the top present in this broken world, this week I find myself particularly upset with you. You suck and there is nothing I like about you. In fact I would even be so bold to say I hate you.
          This week (I know you are active in claiming lives daily) you took one of my friend's mothers. A beautifully faithful, God honoring woman who served God with every ounce of her being. You ended her life far too soon. I hate the fact that you are unpredictable and that you don't care about age, race, gender, or any other factor. I hate that once you make your presence known you are always an aspect of life if even just a distant memory. You are a rough one to deal with, you don't play fair, you don't care what past anyone has or what the future may hold for them. You don't even seem to care how many times you have touched someone's family, you just show up what feels like time and time again. I hate you and I don't understand you. You have claimed the lives of many people who I love, I am frustrated with you to say the least.
          Not only have you taken the life of my friend's mother (and thousands of others) you have made your mark on one of my most favorite people in the world. You suck. I wish I could take you out of her and put you in me instead, I hate that you are in her and knowing the road she has ahead. I hate knowing that she is in pain, I hate knowing what you have done to her, I hate the way you make me nervous. Unfortunately for you, she's a fighter and the medical team caught you early. You haven't been there long, and you won't last long. You will be beaten. You will go away (seriously, consider your eviction notice posted).
          The really unfortunate thing for you is you don't have ultimate claim on her life, nor have you had the ultimate claim on the others whose lives you have ended far to short. You don't get the final word, you are not the ultimate reality. You aren't the one who wins in this world. I know you get credit for being all powerful and the one in charge, but here is the true story. I know and trust in a God who is bigger than you, I believe in the triune God who is the ultimate healer. While you may be the cause of some people's death you don't win, death never wins. I believe in God who has promised eternal life and life abundantly for all people. While people leave this earth, they are not gone forever, for this is but a fragment of what is to come. Someday, someday there will be a day when all pain is gone, when every crying tear is wiped away, and you don't exist. The God of creation is bigger and better than you, the God of peace continues to make all things new and comfort those in pain in the midst of your damage.
          I suppose I do owe you a thank you for a couple things, since the news of my friend you have brought me to God in prayer more than I can even imagine. You have reminded me what it means to pray without ceasing, you have helped to remind me what and who is important in my life. You have reminded me to not take any day or even any second for granted for you could be just around the corner. You have reminded me the of awesome God I serve. You have caused me to slow down yet again and give thanks for all that I have. You still suck, these are not redeeming qualities of yours, but I choose to find a golden lining to all things, including you.
          For all I care you can go away and never return, you can fall off the face of the earth and leave humanity (and all animals while you are at it), you aren't welcomed here. You won't have the final say, you won't be the victor in this world, while you will put up some good fights, and some may think that you have won, I know better, I trust in one who is greater than you, I trust in the creator of this world, the one who calls me to being, claims me, and bathes me in grace.

Sincerely,
    Sarah

Challenges

Recently I have been trying to be more aware of what I eat and what I don't eat, I have been trying to consume more water and less sugary beverages, I have been trying to eat more veggies and fruit and eat less overly processed things and carbs. I am working on it. It is a slow slow slow process for me. I am overcoming years of eating whatever I want and not having it effect me. There were the years that I played women's basketball at the college level and it was almost like I couldn't consume enough during those years, we would practice a couple times a day and I never had to watch what I ate. I am learning that as I am no longer the athelete I once was, I need to adjust certain things and learn how to continue to train my body so that I am happy with it again. I have to watch my portion size as well, I no longer need to be consuming way more than my body needs.

Working at a church this can be quite the challenge. For example many Wednesdays we serve a meal before church (generally it is a hot dish of some sort or a pasta dish or something along that line) the food is marvelous, however there is no limit on portion size or a balance of fruit and veggies and I should not even begin to talk about the amazing desserts. At youth group last night they had huge rootbeer floats or purple cows (substitute the rootbeer in a rootbeer float for grape soda and you have a purple cow) and they looked delightful. Last night on my way home I held my head high as I left knowing I had brought my own dinner and successfully didn't consume a rootbeer float (despite the fact that I love ice cream, and do eat it in moderation, I knew that I wouldn't be able to limit myself to a small portion). I was happy and content.

As I arrived home I called my fiance (he lives down the block) and he was just coming home from the grocery store and so I walked down to his place to help him unload and put away his groceries. As I was unloading there was a certain piece of me that was jealosu as I know his metabolism is way faster than mine and can get away with eating differently than I can.

what I pulled out of one bag of his groceries

As I pulled these out of one bag of his groceries there was a certain piece of me that was jealous that I knew that I wouldn't be sitting down with a large pile of oreos and consuming them all with an oversized glass of milk. There was a piece of me that was a little jealous that I would get to eat these things. And then I thought about it for a while and realized that for me these cookies, donuts, muffins, are not what my body needs or requires any more. I make no promises that I won't ean an oreo at some point but I know I won't eat a pile of them. Slowly but surely these types of food no longer have the temptation that they use to. They don't have the same appeal they once did.

As I walked home last night. I once again held my head high knowing that slowly but surely I am winning the battle (or at least won yesterday) over what I eat. I make choices and stick to them. I do still eat ice cream and oreos and chocolate on occasion just in moderation and with a serving size at a time rather than four or five. Slowly but surely I am reclaiming my body and feeling healthier as I do it.