Uncertainty abounds....

Never in my life have I felt more uncertain about what I am doing. SERIOUSLY.

Just the other day after several run ins with church ladies (they are a breed of their own, granted a beloved breed, which you have to love and adore, not to mention I am fairly certain the world is upheld on the prayers of church ladies - yes, there are some theological holes in that argument but bear with me and it's my blog so I can say as I want) telling me what day they were having a baby shower for us (for which I am REALLY thankful since I have bought hardly anything for said baby and we have been focusing on our basement) and having to barter back and forth to get them to realize that if I am not in town (out on a mission trip, on an overnight retreat with kids, or at camp for the week) I cannot attend a baby shower, even if it is my own - they have set a date that will work for a shower. ANNNDDD they gave us a deadline to go register for baby.

Soooo Marc and I walked into the store to just begin to look around - I have been doing a little (emphasis on the word little) research on baby gear/stuff/whatnot and I have some AMAZING friends (seriously, I feel bad for the rest of the world because you all don't have my friends) who have been more than willing to offer advice. So we walked in, we signed up to get a registry (which was quite the fiasco when the system went down and that there already is someone with my exact name registered who is not me and the system taking two of the same name and blah blah blah), they handed us the magical wish list gun (which worked part of the time at best) and we were off - to go walk isle by isle through the baby stuff - semi hoping we wouldn't run into anyone we knew as we were debating what on God's green earth we were suppose to be scanning.

My husband and I found ourselves in two separate places, Marc, loved to scan things - because it was fun. I found myself wrestling with questions like:

• Why do babies need so much stuff?
• Do we REALLY need this?
• Yes, I know some things will in fact be nice to have
• Yes, I know we do need some things
• Does EVERYTHING have to make noise?
• Really I want a huge collection of books for baby
• I want toys that don't have to be plugged in or require 18 size D batteries
• Why is everything pink or blue?
• Do people realize there are billions of colors out there - everything baby related doesn't have to be pink or blue?
• Why do girls only get pink?
• Why do boys only get blue?
• Why always pastels?
• Why is anything that is semi neutral colored yellow and covered in ducks?
• Generations have survived without some of these things - why are they all of a sudden necessary?
• How can I further purge stuff we have in our house because apparently our kid is going to have a ton of stuff? 
• Remind myself never to move again
• Also remind me to clean out and purge stuff as we no longer need them
• Yes, I know I can't get rid of stuff right away (there maybe other children down the road - no promises on birthing them myself but we could adopt - or I could forget how awful I have felt 99% of the time I have been pregnant)

The list went on and on and on. I also found myself more and more thankful for the generations of people before me who survived and managed to keep babies alive despite millions of recalls on products (we were looking up stuff online as we were standing in the store - the internet can be a black hole of information as to what is best). I was thankful for the group of people who are already showering our baby with love and prayers and who are anxious for baby to arrive so that they can hold baby, love on baby, and accompany baby (and Marc and I) through this new path we are on.

We know we still need to edit our list some. The scanner went crappy and we were overwhelmed and drove down the street to get ice cream before heading home. We know there are things on there we can probably take off as soon as we confirm that we are getting a couple things handed down to us (we don't need everything new). We know there are probably things we should add that we just didn't think of - we will get to it, in time.

For now, we are overwhelmed at best. I seriously sent this text to my mother "I have never felt more unprepared or uncertain of what the heck I am doing then while we were just registering for baby stuff and we had no clue where to start or what we will need" as we pulled out of the store. It was true in that moment. Since then, I have calmed down a bit, still totally freaked out and jazzed beyond my wildest imagination - According to the app on my phone - today marks 93 days until baby's due date (yes, I realize it could be earlier than that or it could be weeks later - however, we are 93 days until due date). Also I included a picture of our ridiculously happy puppy who has no clue what is about to rock her world. She always will be my first baby.