Dear Birth Mom #2

Hello-
   We've never actually officially met, I have seen your picture in the jail roster, you are a beautiful young woman. I have heard some about you and I am guessing you know a little about my husband and I. This introduction is far from ideal. You are on my heart and mind often. The world is your oyster - you have (hopefully) many full years ahead of you. At your age, I was worried about my college exams, papers, and the next basketball game I would play. I can't imagine having a couple of kids at your age, the pressure, the social norms, the expectations that have been placed upon you, not to mention being forced to grow up quickly. When your oldest was born, you should have been worrying about graduating high school and your plans after high school not bringing a baby into the world. Our world's were different and perhaps we would have never met and yet, as fate/time/and unforeseen circumstances our worlds have crossed paths.
   I have your daughters living in our house. They are sweet and adventurous, they are learning and growing, they are adaptive and strong. They have your features, they bear some resemblance to you. They too are beautiful and they need you! I am sure I don't rock the baby with the same sway as you and I don't read books with the same voices as you, did you know your eldest LOVES to read books, all the books, every book, repeatedly. I know you have had a bit of a rocky relationship with them and life has been tough, you've been thrown curve balls I have never had to experience. Your support system is maybe not the best. According to the court documents, you've admitted the struggle to have the right influences. You know what you need to do, you've admitted that. The courts and county have given you a plan.
   Try. Work hard. The road before you is bumpy filled with hills and valleys and it may seem like right now you are walking through mostly valleys, but the hills and mountain tops are coming, and the views and experiences from the top are worth it. I imagine you are worried about your girls, or at least are thinking about them. Don't worry, they are being taken care of and loved on.

 We celebrated your baby's birthday with cake and ice cream as every one year old needs. She devoured it and had cake from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. The other kids laughed as the cake went further and further in her hair, in her ears, up her nose, it was everywhere. A direct trip to the tub is what she earned.  Soon, we will celebrate your oldest's birthday too, yes, there will be cake and ice cream, and she has requested a balloon, so a balloon there will be. I am guessing you will still worry about the girls, try not to, take care of you, make the steps you need to take. Show up to your visits, the girls would love to see you.
   We hold you in our prayers, for health, for wellness, for a network of support to surround you. Until we meet face to face I will continue to take care of your girls, to try to do the best by them and you as I can. For now, I must go, your eldest is potty training and apparently needs to go "wight now." Today is her first full day in "bid gurl unders" and she's pretty excited, she picked out the princess underwear at Target this past weekend, don't worry I packed extra pants and underwear for daycare just in case.
Love,
   Your Girls' foster mom

Dear Birth Mom, Fight the good fight....

Dear Birth Mom-
     I know the road you are on is tough at best. I hear that, I understand that you are facing some giants that I won't even pretend to understand. I cannot even say if given your life I wouldn't be making some of the same choices you are, the cycles of poverty, drugs, and other things are ferocious monsters at best.
     Letters are being sent to your family now, asking if any of them want to take the sweet, adventurous, wildly independent, and curious little boy of yours and mine (for at least the time being). I do not know what that must be like knowing that the courts are moving to remove your parental rights. I trust you want the best for your son as do my husband and I. We are believing the best for him. We trust him to the God who is bigger than any cycle of poverty or system you think you cannot beat.
      PLEASE for the sake of your son, fight the good fight. Go to treatment. Get a job so you can support the two of you. Find stable housing. I realize this is a lot, but no mountain is too big that it cannot be climbed. The time is now to face the summit, make it to the top of the mountain, make steps towards the right direction. Surround yourself with people who love on you, who make wise choices, who aren't going to pull you in the opposite direction. I realize you have shown up to the last couple of visits with your son, and I find that admirable, I do know it must be tough to see that he doesn't recognize you and runs to me when we return to pick him up. I cannot understand what it would be like to have my own children/child not know who I am and come to me for comfort and security. TRUST ME, it isn't too late, he's only fourteen months, hardly past a year, make some moves towards progress and the judge doesn't want to revoke your parental rights.
   The judge may seem harsh, but really has been nothing but grace filled offering you chance and chance again. The judge wants to see you succeed and wants you to have your son back, and I do too. Time, it's not on your side any more, the clock is ticking and ticking fast. Make some changes, your son is amazing and we've fallen in love and always will love him no matter where he lives.
    Our village loves him, our son and daughter adore him and returning him to you will be bitter-sweet and tears will flow. In the mean time, while we all live in a sense of limbo not knowing what the future holds for him, for you, for us, we hope, pray, and enjoy the time we do have with your son. We pray for you daily and unendingly wishing you wellness, wholeness, and the ability to get things together for your sake and your son's sake. We pray for your son, that he will continue to grow and learn and will continue to catch up on his speech. We continue to hand the situation over to God, taking things hour by hour.

Peace & Love,
   Your son's foster mom
   

Dear Birth Mom

Dear Birth Mom-
    You currently have gone missing. No one is really sure where you are. People are looking for you and we are worried about you. You were suppose to report to treatment earlier this week. There were plans to reward you with a visit with your son and return you back to treatment. I can't imagine what it's like to have missed the last six months of his life. You've missed a lot sure, but he still has SO MUCH MORE LIFE. The reality is - if you got your life back together sooner than later and took the necessary steps when he is older, he probably wouldn't even remember me or our family. He'd only know you. He deserves to know you. I want you to know him. I want him to know you.
   There is a date looming, where you need to have shown some serious signs of progress or they are going to start looking towards your extended family for permanency. The courts aren't going to let you completely shirk your responsibilities with your son. They are going to start looking for a permanent place for him if you don't start making progress. My husband and I are still rooting for you. We are on your side, while it may seem we are the enemy as we have your son, we are here for you. We agree with the courts, your son deserves to have stability in his life.
  Your son is great! We celebrated his first birthday and he smashed his cake everywhere. He earned himself a direct trip to the tub. Our family and friends sang and celebrated as if he was one of ours and loved on him in ways that you would have loved to have seen.
   He's got some new skills, he's figured out how to clap and loves clapping. He's moving and grooving and any day now we expect him to take off running. We've got a slide in our living room and he loves crawling up and going down over and over and over again.
   PLEASE, go see the case manager. We sent a handful and a half of pictures and some hand and foot print art for you. May they be an inspiration for you for what you are missing out on, may you be inspired to do the hard work that is before you. Your son is worth it. You are worth it. I hold you in prayer every.single.day. God is bigger than any of our troubled histories and makes all things beautiful, including you and me. We all have our troubles but God walks with you in the midst of it. I pray you find the help you need so you can be reunited with one of the sweetest little boys I have ever had the chance to love on.
    In the meantime, your son is in good hands. He's happy and healthy. He's thankful it's summer and we spend most days outside. Every night the bathtub has a brown ring from the dirt for being outside. We will continue to love on him and treat him as one of our own. Our village will continue to love on him.
   Love,
      Your Son's foster mom
 

Dear Biological mom, love a foster mom

Dear Biological Mom,

I can't imagine the strength it took to separate from your child. I imagine it's the same strength and determination I see in your son as he is trying to take his first steps.

I wonder the roads you are walking and the steps you are taking. I pray for you. I pray that you have a support network to come alongside you and catch you when you fall, to encourage you when the road seems rough, to hold you up when you don't have the strength to do it on your own. I want you to succeed in reunification with you son. It is a gift to have him with us. We've surrounded him with our own village of people who love him, care for him, and have taken him in. He's in good hands. He's well loved.

I want you to know the ways in which the little guy snuggles in with his blanket and bottle as he closes his eyes at night. I want you to see the joy in his eyes as he chases balls around the house. I want you to know his adventurous spirit. I want you to be able to kiss his bumps and bruises as he explores and discovers the world around him. I want you to know the ways in which he loves food and his fierce shake of the head when he disagrees or is all done eating. I want you to kiss his sticky fingers and face at the end of the meal. I want you to be here for him. I want you to be the one he calls "mama."

For now I stand in your place, he looks to me as "mama." I kiss the sticky fingers, the bumps and bruises, and read books with lots of pictures. We play on the slide and he would let me push him for hours on the swing. My daughter introduces him as a brother.

I pray for you, each and every day. I pray you are able to do what you need to do to be with your son again. I grieve for the things you are missing and the things we see. We are rooting for you.
In the mean time, know we love your son. We are caring for him to the best of our ability and trying to document everything so we can tell you all about it if the chance were to arise.
Enjoy the hand and foot print art we sent you, may it remind you of the sweet little boy who is growing and changing every day.

It will be hard on our family if/when he goes back home to be with you. We will cry big tears, we will continue to pray for him and you each and every day. His story, your story, and our story is forever woven together no matter what the future holds.

Be bold mama and work hard, you've got this. I believe in you.

Love,
  a foster mom caring for your son